hermanajuli

I was 50y/o when I was 20.

Back then as my peers explore the freedom of being young I was juggling three jobs. I accepted all the jobs I could fit in 24 hours. Sending one of my siblings to university, saving to advance my career, and trying to keep the whole family safe.

Once in a while, I would scribble the things I would love to do in my journal. Things that could have been done if I have the time to do so. Most people call it a bucket list, to me they are dreams. I’ll live if they don’t happen but inside my heart, it would add a little vibrance to my life.

One of them is sky diving.

In seven billion people in the world, it is magical to find one to love. What are the odds the same person has the same crazy stunt on his bucket list?

I have long forgotten about skydiving.

You slip your young life dreams under the sofa cause all your attention gets shifted to maintaining and keeping your role.

Then he came.

He said,

“Ask your dad, if he agrees will do sky diving together”

Initially, we’re planning to go to Utah.

But at the last minute, we changed it to Chicago.

Why?

Jollibee!!!

They say as a human we have two instinctive fears; fear of the dark and fear of falling.

Before the jump, he would ask me,

“Aren’t you afraid?”

And I tried to look inside if I were but I am not. I tried questioning myself.

“What if I die in this jump?”

My brain would feed good answers; the company will not let us die because it will be the death of them too, if I die at least I died in style. My brain would also tell me,

“You’ll live, both of you, and you will have more adventures together”

I was chilling until I saw how high 14,000 feet look.

My brain suddenly switched to its primal state. It literally forgot what to do.

There is a split second and am trying to remember what to do: squat, bend like a banana, arms up.

My good old friend was not even able to finish processing when I was pushed out of the plane.

Then you fall and you realize you’re falling.

Falling at the rate of 120mph, the wind seemingly dislocates every muscle in your face and body. Somehow I felt like flying over suburban Chicago. How great humanity can manipulate the environment so nature can save their needs. That part of Chicago is intricate farmland, from above it looks like a drawing made by a guy with OCD.

My emotions switched from fright to adrenaline rush, when the professional skydiver released the parachute, we glided.

For the longest time of my life, I felt calm. So calm that I wondered if that is how it felt like to be on trazodone, Lyrica, and Xanax combo.

Whenever I remember that time it calms me down, the slow gliding motion of your body floating in the air, the wind gently cupping my face as if saying,

“You did great.”

The sun was shining and warmly smiling at us.

When I came down I was happy as a bee only to see my love drenched in sweat. The first thing I asked him was

“What’s your heart rate? Do you have any chest pain?”

He went dizzy on their glide down.

I drove on our way back to the city. It made me realize how the simple act of driving was actually an act of service, a language of love, given that he had driven on all of our trips.

I would always assume, that he is the man, he’s a better driver, he should drive.

I wanted to get out of the car in the middle of traffic because someone snuck himself in a lane, now I can’t make a left turn and I’ll have to circle around. He dealt with all the stress never enjoyed the scenery, drove, and stayed awake for long hours while I slept in the driver’s seat.

This trip not only made me experience the high of sky diving but also the simple joy of having a man who will say “I love you” before he jumps out of the plane.